Hotel Design: Who Took The Soap?

Our recent overnight stay at a three year old boutique hotel in New York City reminded us of a few things we've been meaning to note:

* How do you tell the European tourists from their American counterparts, aside from the from their being much thinner? The Euros are the ones in colored sneakers or trainers, while the Americans are wearing the new white athletic shoes, which look as though they've never been used. They haven't.

* The exception to that rule are German tourists, who are the worst-dressed of the Europeans. When you see a couple wearing sandals, with socks, those are the Germans. Do we know why the wealthiest Europeans dress so poorly that they are easily mistaken for Americans? Nein.



* Apparently, all contemporary hotel room-designers share a strange trait; they wear glasses while taking a shower. How else could we explain the tiny print on the small containers of shampoo, conditioner, and something called bath gel in the showers? We are getting a little tired of washing our hair with conditioner and covering ourselves in oily shampoo instead of soap! Bath gel? Whose idea was that! What was wrong with having a bar of soap in the shower? Worked for hundreds of years; get it back, please

Water Hazard

* Speaking of hotel showers. Remember when hotel showers had one water source, hanging from above? Now many hotel showers come equipped with six spigots or more! Depending on your height, this could be dangerous to your bodily health, not to mention that we need a manual to figure out how to turn on that single source. Figuring out how to use the shower, however, does give us time to read the small containers while still wearing our glasses.

* Can we talk about hotel Heat/AC units without using four letter words, and we don't mean w-o-r-k  w-e-l-l? Those thick quilts on the beds are there for use in July, when the AC insists on a room temperature of around 57'F. And those windows that actually open a crack? Those are for use in January, when the Heat unit has gone on intimate-dry cycle. Our most recent room used a point and click system, in which we  ( well, one of us, anyway) pointed a remote at the ceiling-hung unit in each of three rooms. You've heard of Four Seasons Hotels? Well, we had Three Seasons going in our living room, bedroom and bath. The bath had the only temperate zone.

* Having so many European tourists benefits New York City's economy and we're glad to have them. But, it's high time that we taught them how to walk in the city. A stroll is not a walk. Come to think of it, we need to train the American tourists as well, who are breaking in those new white sneakers at snails' pace.

Several years ago, while advising a hotel group about their room design, we suggested a solution for this problem: place sidewalk walking instructions on every hotel room door, just like the required fire safety and hotel rate notices: 1) Keep to the right. Always walk on the right side of sidewalks. 2) "Strolling" is not allowed on sidewalks; stroll in parks and museums only.  3) Walk at a "brisk" pace on sidewalks at all times, just as the locals do. 3) If you have not exercised in many years, and you know who you are, we strongly suggest use of an all-day pass on the subway system.

* What will all of these Manhattan boutique hotels with contemporary European design and style do, when the wave of actual European tourists subsides? Sadly, this day must come, and soon, due to EU economic difficulties and the weakening of the Euro itself? Will China provide the next tourist wave? Will they want  their hotel rooms to reflect their own familiar style? How do you say "renovation costs" in Mandarin?

* How do you spot a European tourist in a NYC restaurant? They are the only ones paying for bottled water.

Upgrade

The idea came to me while I was walking past the landmark hotel in the upper eastside neighborhood near the private library where I sometimes do my work. Why not celebrate our thirtieth-anniversary night at the very hotel where we stayed on our wedding night?

Why not indeed.

At home that evening, it occurred to me that I had kept the original checkout statement from our night's stay. A quick look in the vault revealed the old statement and the GM's letter of December '81 (left) confirming the room and my deposit.

Our room rate way back when? $195, which may sound like a bargain today, but may have represented a half week's pay at the time! I wondered what a room might cost today. Kayak/Etc Answer: $540, and that was for the least expensive room.

So, I wrote a very clever message to the current GM and Sales Staff, saying I'd found my original bill, how wonderful the old place was, wouldn't it be nice to wander down Memory Lane there, but could we do it for less than $540, please, mainly because I'm writing this really clever letter?

The answer came back promptly: sorry, no. But, they would be happy to upgrade us in honor of the event, at the published rate. Who knows, maybe they just get these cute requests all the time and finally created a strict no-go policy. Whatever.

The MAve

I was underwhelmed by their apparent lack romance and a sense of whimsy or humor about the matter.
They've grown a bit snooty with all of their recent success after a renovation, I thought.

I set out to find another, better, much more fun place for less. I found it, luckily, at the other end of Madison, at 27th Street just up from the real Madison Square. The MAve Hotel is one of many new small (72 rooms) hotels which have popped up in Manhattan over the last decade or so, catering to the waves of European tourists and their once maxi-strength Euro.

The MAve's lobby is all glass and white and bright red. It's front desk is tiny, with room for one very efficient check-in host/concierge/parking attendant/tour guide. While I was there I saw people coming/going who were French, Dutch, German, Spanish (from the real Spain), all of whom had very spiffy heavy-duty brightly colored plastic luggage. European governments must give this luggage out for free like education and healthcare.

Are Europeans cowering with fear about their economic woes? Take a walk around Manhattan and you'll find a quick answer: non, nein.

69th Regiment Armory

Years of hotel observation have trained me that a) all people checking in look happy just to have arrived someplace, and b) the faces and body language of those checking out is a better way to gage one's potential experience.  Those checking out seemed happy in several languages.

I was duly informed that our room was not yet ready, but not to worry, the GM had upgraded us, at no cost, to the penthouse suite. Score one for the New Hotel! Why had they done this? I had simply noted our anniversary in the remarks field while making a reservation on the hotel's own online site. Simple as that.

I decided to take a short walk in the neighborhood, which was not new to me, although I'd not been there much lately. I was curious to see if the old armory was still there, where, as a student in a military high school I'd had to drill every dreary Tuesday afternoon for four years. I used to hop on the subway at Union Square and alight one express stop later at 23rd Street, then walk along Madison or Park Avenue and across 26th Street to the side entrance.

PH Suite LR

In those days, Madison was lined with tall stately stone buildings, mostly housing insurance companies. I can still remember walking back down Madison at rush hour, happy to be free from drill drudgery, jostling and being jostled on the wintry streets in yellowish streetlight by people in a hurry to get home (at 5PM!) to have dinner with their families.

Sure enough, there was the armory, nearly fifty years later, and it looked exactly the same, the old  69th. Funny how the years make somewhat brittle memories into fond reminiscences. Life's rough patches have a habit of returning as The Good Old Days.

The Madison Square area has acquired a restaurant pedigree. Some of my favorites are nearby, like Gramercy Tavern and Eleven Madison Park. But, we had been eager to try one of David Chang's Momufuku-Family places, Ma Peche at 15 W. 56th, next to another contemporary hotel, Chambers. We were the only ones in the place over the age of thirty-five, which pleased us. Highly recommended: small plate soft shell crabs, lobster steam bun and large plate duck, but, actually, it's all really, really good. As with other Chang emporia, prepare for loud music from nearby speakers, but do not let it prevent you from going as often as you can afford to go.

Taking a stroll down Memory Lane in places we fondly remember is a nice concept, but those  memories are sometimes best left alone. Exploring new/updated neighborhoods, surrounding ourselves with young people in hip places has a way of energizing us. It also has the added benefit of creating new memories.

You can't get more upgraded than that.

Ed Note: Everyone we met at The Mave was wonderful and they took really good care of us. They clearly love working there. The regular rooms are small, 21-0220 sq.ft, but the PH is over 500 Sq. ft. There is valet parking and room service. 

http://www.momofuku.com/restaurants/ma-peche/
http://www.themavehotel.com/
http://www.sixtyninth.net/armory.html